Exchanges

Life is really about a bunch of exchanges, isn’t it?  You “exchange” a job for a better one.  You “exchange” a relationship for a better one.  You “exchange” a home for a better one.  In your process of “exchanging” you learn and hopefully grow.

For lack of a better term, “exchanging” is really what we all do.  Everyday.  You know possibilities are out there.  They are endless really.  You can make more money.  You can obtain better benefits.  You can have nicer things.  You can be with someone who treats you like you are their everything.  Because of the endless possibilities, the desire fuels us.  The desire for more.  In your process of “exchanging”, some of your gains may be fantastic and everything you’ve always dreamed of.  And some…well…you may wish you could exchange back for what you previously had.  Sometimes mistakes get made along the way.

What some people really fail to do is to just sit down and examine themselves.  What do you really want?  What can you live with and what can you live without?

What if you had a relationship where your man was damn near the perfect family man?  The man who was always there for your children.  Who adored your children, and they him.  The man who had the “what’s mine is ours” mentality.  The man who would keep peace in the house and who wouldn’t allow even the smallest disagreement to occur in front of the children.  He was all about family.  He was stable and if any issues ever came up, they were talked about and taken care of without any real argument.  BUT…this man also had a dark side that was pretty well hidden from you and from others.  He may make up stories, perhaps even lie to you…for some reason or another.  He very well could be living a double life.

Or what if you had a relationship where your man just absolutely adored you?  He was so thoughtful of you.  He’d surprise you sometimes with flowers, or a night out, or a gift.  He always wanted to be with you and around you.  He talked to you multiple times per day…whether by text or phone.  You were always on his mind.  You shared similar interests and desires with this man.  BUT…this man was not really about family.  He didn’t really want much to do with your children.  He didn’t really participate with things that interested the children nor invited them to do things with you and he.  He’s actually pretty selfish and has the “what’s his is HIS” mentality.  He is SUPER sensitive and you’d have to tiptoe around his feelings because if you upset him you’d end up in a week long fight that would occur in front of anyone and everyone and could occur anywhere at any moment.  He was very unstable and would leave you at any moment and for any reason.

When you think of exchanges just know that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, in this world that comes in a perfect little package.  What you need to do is sit down and examine what you desire.  What are you willing to live with?  What are you willing to compromise on?  What is super important to you and is non-negotiable?  And mostly…is it really just all about you?  If you have children…isn’t it about them too?  What are their wants and desires?

Social media, movies and cartoons would have us believe in fairy tale relationships and made-up people.  The people and the relationships portrayed in front of us aren’t real.  They are all just for show.  Yet, many of us desire what we see in these venues.  We aren’t going to find these people nor these relationships.  You may end up exchanging something and regretting it.  Think about the exchanges and the possibilities prior to entering into a new situation.  You may need to learn how to be content with what you have…because things could be worse.  Much worse actually.

2 Replies to “Exchanges”

  1. Social media, movies and cartoons would have us believe in fairy tale relationships and made-up people.  The people and the relationships portrayed in front of us aren’t real.

    Very true! I couldn’t agree with you more.

    1. You work in family law too … I sometimes sit back and reflect on my days. I’ve been in family law for 14 years now. You know how many divorces I’ve seen? Although I learn a lot of my clients (what things I should do and what things I should not do) … I can’t help but to think about why there are so many broken homes and broken families. It seems like marriages are getting shorter and shorter.

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